Disney Reveals Master Plan for Ticket Pricing for Parks - Raises Prices to $50,000 Per-Day for Disneyland

ANAHEIM, CA: On the heels of two hikes in the ticket prices this year alone, Disney has just announced that they are now pulling out all stops and going ahead with their eventual plan for the parks -- they are now raising prices to $50,000 for a One-Day ticket to Disneyland.

Disneyland to Be Less Crowded with New Pricing Structure

"The good news about this pricing structure is that we expect only about 100 people a day, so there should be no wait for the lines on most rides", a spokesman for Disney says, "Our costs for employee staff should be quite a bit lower as well, so it's really a win-win."

Tomorrowland in Disneyland, Anaheim, CA

A "One-Day Park Hopper" ticket (i.e. additional access to Disney's California Adventure) will reportedly be only $75,000.  The cost of Annual Passes will start at at $400,000 which will include "blockout days".  This ticket will now be called the "Paris", playfully named after the famous and entitled celebrity Paris Hilton.  A Full Access Pass year round with no blackout days will now be $999,999 and will be called "The Marie". It was not immediately clear if this level was named after the cat in the Aristocats or after Marie Antoinette.

Frontierland in Disneyland, Anaheim, CA

When asked to comment on criticism that Disney is now pricing tickets out of reach of the average american family, the spokesman said, "Well, it's all about value. A middle class family just needs to decide whether they want to go to Disneyland once a year or spend their money on clothes and food."

Shorter Line Waits at Disneyland

The pricing structure for food and souvenirs has not yet been released, but the spokesman said, "We expect a cheeseburger should be under $1000 and as far as souvenirs go, we're toying with the idea that guests can actually buy a real Disney character to take home with them!"

Service Should be Quicker Too

Monkey Business at Monkey Pants

I don't do stand up anymore but I did for a long time and I ran some shows.  It's a tough, often thankless job. Though some may be appreciative of your efforts, you can't be thanked enough for all the bullshit you have to put up with. If you care, you try to put on a good show every time, picking the best comics and organizing the lineup. You try to keep the bar owner happy. You navigate the feelings and egos of the comics who either don't get to perform, don't get enough time, or think they got the light too early. All this while putting your own set list together and trying to deliver a performance yourself. If you're really lucky, you make a couple of bucks. Most of the time you don't. 

For the past few years, Jamie and Steve have built a quality show at Monkey Pants.  As others have pointed out, they did it for the love of comedy. They certainly didn't get paid. From their efforts, by putting on a consistent show week after week, the crowds came. Monkey Pants had nearly every table filled and more each week. The owner made money and chose not to share it with Steve and Jamie.  They could have quit, but they didn't.  They just kept putting on the best show they knew how.

Now it appears they have been pushed out.  The owner wanted more money. Really? A two-drink minimum? This isn't the Tempe Improv, dude.  These are mostly up-and-coming comics working for free to try and get better. The formula that Steve an Jamie put together worked for the comics and for the crowds that came to see them. They didn't fuck with it by asking for money.  They started and ended the show on time. They quietly went about their business of making comedy better in the Phoenix area. For these efforts you might expect that they would be rewarded. Maybe some eventual financial compensation? Maybe some respect from the owner for what they had done. But you would be wrong.  Business doesn't always work like that. Business is business. It's always monkey business. It doesn't care about anything but money.  Steve and Jamie's time at Monkey Pants is over. 

We move on.  They run the show(s) down at Hidden House.  If you're fan of local comedy, you know that Hidden House is the longest running show in Phoenix. Run for years by Steve Maxwell, Kirk Buckhout and for a time also with Myke Dehu, the room still lives. Go there.  Support these guys and local comedy by going where real comedy goes.  The best stand up comics in Phoenix all cut their teeth there. They all have hilarious crooked smiles and overbites as a result. You won't be disappointed.

I hear that the owner is trying to put on his own shows at Monkey Pants now.  Don't go there.  As Maxwell would say, "They hate comedy."

Phyllis Diller: Funny is Funny

They say in every joke, there is a victim. That is to say, whether it is the idiot at Walmart, the spouse who doesn't understand you, or the "system", we like to laugh at people or things when life goes ..."wrong". Phyllis Diller knew this and made herself the 'victim' of her jokes. Whether she was talking about her looks, her cooking, or the frustrations she had with her imaginary husband "Fang", she made herself the object of the joke.

Much may be made about the fact that she was one of very few women who succeeded as a comic, and women in comedy everywhere can certainly do well by studying Diller. But what they would be studying is not how a woman does comedy, but what 'funny' is. Phyllis Diller was successful in comedy because she knew how to make people laugh. Likable, vulnerable and accessible, she was a giant and a master and part of an old guard in comedy that is nearly gone now. She will be missed.

A Giant of Comedy, Comedian Phyllis Diller Died in 2012.

DEAR MEDIA: Some Asshole shot and killed Gerardo Hernandez on Friday.

Gerardo I. Hernandez is the name of the first TSA officer killed while on duty at LAX this past Friday. Born in El Salvador, Hernandez was the youngest of four boys. He moved to the United States when he was 15. Four years later, he met his wife, and they married on Valentine's Day in 1998. A man who was trying to serve his co...untry, do his job well and support his family, all he talked about was his family.

While the media spends most of the time focusing on the shooter - mentioning his name, plastering his picture across our screens, and speculating on why he did what he did and what his story was - we are rarely hearing much about Hernandez.

I would like to see the media keep the name and picture of the shooters in these tragedies to a minimum, keeping the focus on the victims and their heroic, though sometimes ordinary, lives. As far as I'm concerned, they can simply refer to the shooter in these stories as "Some Asshole".

Are you a Wordist?

For me, Facebook serves as a decent medium for pure joke writing.  It's not a performance medium, the joke has to work from a written standpoint. For better or worse, I am like a lot of the Social Media Society today and gage my interaction with others by responses.  So, instead of hoping for laughs, as in stand up, I'm looking for "likes" or comments.

Social media is a restrictive format that forces the joke writer into the short form.  Attention spans and a 140-character limit on Twitter don't help.  At any rate, I have found if I throw enough material up there someone eventually might think its funny and hopefully it brightens their day.  Less often, I even think its funny.

Every once in a while you write a joke that is provocative for one reason or another.  This past week, I wrote such a joke and it seemed to have struck a nerve of social correctness (or incorrectness).  SInce most of my Facebook friends are comics, I enjoy a good back and forth as long as it doesn't get too serious.  

In this case, I tried valiantly to 'humor' those that were offended by the joke, but at some point (*sigh*), I felt it was time to do the long form of the subtext of the joke.  I can hit the pseudo-intellectual bullshit switch with the best of 'em, but typically like to let a joke stand for itself.  Still I couldn't resist at one point in the conversation mostly because someone mistook the point so dramatically as to pointedly say I was shitting on the disabled. Me.

So, as an exercise in joke writing, explanations and reactions, I've decided to archive this one in a blog post. Enjoy ... or not.

[For the record: I don't think this is a great joke.  It's not badly constructed and the social commentary imbedded in it is powerful (obviously).  But I have written better.  This one did make me laugh out loud after I wrote it, so it worked for me.]

The Joke:

"Paula Dean should know better. The only people who don't care if you use the 'N' word anymore are retards."

I captured the joke and comments in sections below but if they are too small to read here, I have also included a link.

Here is the Link to the Joke and Comments

My Response:

For all of you who are slow (retarded), I guess I'll have to explain this joke. *sigh*

If I can claim a word offends me, even if it wasn't meant to offend me, then I am co-opting language for my own selfish use. I am declaring your intentions in the use of the word as well as determining an exact single definition when there may be many. For example, as a disabled person, I could choose to decide that every time a person used the words "lame", "crippled", "handicapped", I should be offended even if it wasn't intended to hurt me.  "That's really lame, dude." "The inaction of Congress has crippled the economy.", "You golf? What's your handicap?".  You can't possibly know how deep my feelings are about the use of this language in casual conversation.   You can't know how being called a 'cripple' hurts when someone means to put you down with the word.  But, do disabled people have the right to insist that all these words be stricken from everyone's vocabulary because we choose to be offended by them?  I don't think so. Just because a person happens to use one of those words, doesn't mean they intended to harm me or any other person who is disabled. If someone says a word (any word) with the intent to harm, subjugate, or belittle another, then they are fair game to be taken to task.  

The 'N' word has enjoyed a special place in this regard because it is hard to make the case that any non-black person who uses it, can do so without it carrying the baggage and history of slavery and the inference that black people are less than equal to the user. As a comedian, Chris Rock made the point (as others have), that black people can choose to use the 'N' word among themselves (or the variation Nigga) because they are not using it to put down their own race. Non-blacks don't have the right to determine how deep that word cuts. Non-blacks, especially white people, use it at their own risk. Paula Dean found this out. So did Michael Richards. 

As an aside, artistic form allows use of certain, even offensive, words as commentary. Quentin Tarantino can write and direct a movie with the 'N' word all over it because it is reflective of the use of the word in real life. Comedy can have exceptional creative leeway. In a sketch on Saturday Night Live in the 70's, Chevy chase said "Nigger" and Richard Pryor answered "Dead Honky".

As far as the joke in question goes, the use of the word 'retards' was calculated.  It was intended to be provocative. While we are all ganging up on Paula Dean for using the 'n' word, the actor in the joke (me), uses the word "retard".  What did this word mean in this context? Slow and stupid, not developmentally disabled.

In the english language, retarded sometimes just means "slow".  When you slow a passage in music, you retard it.  Gary Baker pointed out: "They have a 'Jacobs Brake' (or Jake Brake) on trucks that retard the engine as it goes down a hill".  Subsequently, Mentally Retarded, simply meant mentally slow.  Calling a person a "Retard" in a mean way in order to hurt them (who would do that?), is wrong.  But people use the word all the time in casual conversation to describe someone who is a little behind. It is a colloquialism for slow and/or stupid. People use it in much the same way they might use the word "lame" or "gay'.  Its use is not intended to harm populations of people and those who insist that it is are word nazis who are putting intentions in the minds of people where it doesn't belong.  And before you argue effect instead of intent -- as in, "well, it's the effect the word has on these people" -- the effect is decidedly heightened by the attention the word now has when no ill intention ever existed.  Mothers, caretakers and friends of the developmentally disabled have decided to be offended on behalf of them.  They have done more harm to the developmentally disabled by teaching them to be offended when no offense was intended. That's just retarded. And, from an evolutionary standpoint, I mean developmentally challenged.

One defense for my joke might go like this: I am disabled and so are the developmentally disabled.  What we call each other is our business.  I can call another handicap person a gimp if I want. They understand I am not putting them down anymore than I would put down myself.  If you're not disabled, shut the fuck up. Just like as a white person you can't tell black people not to use the 'N' word when talking to each other, you can't tell disabled people what to call each other either.

But that's not my defense.  Instead, the joke stands as irony and commentary of words, their meaning and the people who get offended by imagined intentions they put in other people minds.  Using the word "retards" next to Paula Dean's gaff is irony (Thanks: Teddy Bearskovich).  

For future reference, if I say "Dude, that was lame!", I'm not intending to offend (other) disabled people. If I say, "Tom Sims is a fag", I just mean he puts his penis in another man's bumhole (in a good way).  If I say, "Ann Coulter is a cunt" (wait, that last one is just true. No offense to other cunts).

So, Danny Vega, The joke was not me "shitting on" on anybody. The fact that you took it that way is what the joke was actually about. It was actually bait for those people who choose to be offended by the word 'retarded' even though it wasn't directed at the developmentally disabled.  Your inference that my joke was intended to put down those people is patently offensive to me. In short, you a "wordist". This is a word that I just made up that means; a person who attempts to police other people's use of the language according to their own sensibilities and definitions of particular words. (And everyone should be offended that I just made up a word because that's just presumptive, self-indulgent and arrogant).

Lastly, if you think I used the word "retards" like a new comic uses a dick joke -- just to get a laugh -- you don't know me or my comedy. You're gonna need to step back, about an inch, maybe an inch and quarter.

P.S. Thanks to Myke Dehu for the input.

A New Frontier in Joke Writing - A Book Review of "Social Comedia"

I am still working on my research for definitions of stand up and a brief history of stand-up comedy, but I wanted to take a break and tell you about a book I recommend which was written by a comedian friend of mine from Seattle, Dartanion London. (Note: Each link in this blog entry is to a different one of each of his social media outlets.)

Social media has created new opportunities for humor to be expressed. The short form of Facebook and Twitter updates combined with a multitasking and distracted society call for a new approach. Though this short form actually owes to the old one-liner style of comedy, the immediate and ever present world of the internet delivers it us with ease and frequency. From our fingertips we can now have delivered a pie in the face.

With Social Comedia, Dartanion London has written a new kind of joke book. From his almost once-a-day delivery of slightly slanted observations of today's world on his social media profiles (Facebook and Twitter), he gives you something to think about -- although just for a second. Then another joke moves in.

This book may not grant all your comedy wishes. But hell, the damn thing has robots! Take it into the bathroom, take it one joke at a time, take two and call me in the morning. It'll keep you entertained for minutes at a stretch!

I've seen Dartanion's stand-up act a number of times live. Each time I was struck by his original approach. Leave no doubt, he is funny. But he pushes boundaries too, which is what I like to see in any comedian I follow. He has a background in sketch and improv and he takes this with him to the stage. He is intelligent, composed and unpredictable. He also has a quality I like to see in comics -- it's as if he doesn't really care if you laugh or not (even though you do). If you need comedic touchstones to help you get a handle on what he's like, I would suggest that Dartanion London is as if Steve Martin and Andy Kaufman had a love child -- with Aspberger Syndrome. Just take a look at the promotional video for his book below. It alone is worth the price you pay for the book.

Social Comedia - A Book That Can Change Your Life from Dartanion London on Vimeo.

Find "Social Comedia" at Amazon

Even my cat Oreo likes "Social Comedia"!

History of Stand Up: The Prologue

In my last blog entry, I indicated I'm reading a lot of books on the history of Stand-Up. My intention was to write a "Brief History of Stand-Up". But as I made my way through the volumes of material on the subject I also encountered a problem; not everyone agrees on just what stand-up comedy is. So, as "First Things First" things go, I'm backing up once again and tackling this by asking several comic how they define Stand-Up.

Certainly, the dictionary offers a starting point: Merriam-Webster 2: performed in, performing in, or requiring a standing position; especially : of, relating to, performing, or being a monologue of jokes, gags, or satirical comments delivered usually while standing alone on a stage or in front of a camera (stand–up comedy) (stand-up comedian) . Wikipedia: Stand-up comedy is a style of comedy where a comedian performs for a live audience, usually speaking indirectly to them. It is usually performed by a comedian with the aid of a microphone, either hand-held or mounted. Google: "Stand Up Comedy" is a song by rock band U2. It is the seventh track on their 2009 album No Line on the Horizon.

It seems to me that each comic has a definition that relates to their particular style of comedy. That's why I decided to ask several comics -- famous and infamous -- and see who responds. I'll post these responses and a few more thoughts soon.

Getting Somewhere from Nowhere

I was never very good at "first things first". I always just sort of jumped in, got messy and tried to clean up afterwards. Maybe it's because I am somewhat ADD, but doing things in a linear fashion just doesn't appeal to me. I have seen people who approach tasks much more methodically and it just seems mostly boring to me. A lot of time is wasted where you could actually be getting messy and having fun.

Just so you know, I'm eventually going to get to a point here, so stay with me.

My finest example of how I can't do things in order is that I don't read product manuals. I push buttons and turn knobs until things work. The gamble is whether or not I can figure things out in less time than it would take to read the instructions. I usually figure it out. Besides, I don't know how many times in the past I did read the manual and things didn't work like they said they would. I remember I spent a couple of hours looking through the manual for a new cell phone to try to figure out how to set it to vibrate. After much searching, swearing, and more searching and swearing, I couldn't find it. I finally just started pushing buttons on the phone until I got it to do what I wanted. Later, I discovered that the manual for the phone calls vibrate: "Polite Mode". Screw you Verizon! Not calling it "vibrate" wasn't polite at all. It was pretty rude, actually.

Learning something the way someone thinks we should learn it doesn't always work. When we learn something new, we all come to the table with some background knowledge. So the problem with getting to a goal by way of advice or instruction from others is that the path is often presented as a "one size fits all" scenario. Plus, not only are we all different in terms of our past experience and basic abilities, we also each learn differently. Some people are visual learners, some learn better by listening. Some people learn by modeling and learn by trial and error. I seem to learn better in a barely controlled mashup. (That's right spellcheck. I said "mashup." Even you are learning something today.)

As with other performing arts, when learning comedy, some of us turn to teachers. In most areas of the country, there are a number of comics or former comics running stand up comedy classes. But some people take the position that you can't teach "funny". Aside from having some narrow, provincial, and mystical definition of what "funny" is, I think this is exclusionary nonsense. One person may come to the table with better abilities (most likely learned from others), but everyone can improve the abilities they have. I've found the most important factor in any art form that will make one unique and more likely successful is passion. If you're passionate about what you do, are persistent and are willing to take chances, you'll improve. If you don't have a passion for comedy, you're probably going to have trouble succeeding. Also, don't come see me perform ... please.

There is the problem of the perspective of the teacher. Many teachers make the mistake of teaching only from their own subjective experience. The comics in their classes tend to pick up on this perspective and a shared style develops. Instead of teaching the comic how to discover their own voice, they Inadvertently or deliberately teach their own style to their students. So, the problem of a foundation from one comic is compounded by this projection of all the teachers own misconceptions and limitations.

The best learning platform for stand up is just doing it. Go up a lot. Along with writing all you can, performing will be the most important thing you can do to get better. Performing will teach you 10,000 different subtleties to stand up. Writing will keep your mind working in fresh ways and give the audience something new to laugh at. But both writing and performing can be helped by some fresh perspective.

Lately, I've discovered a glaring hole in my haphazard approach to learning stand up. What is challenging to me is that this hole requires stepping back and learning something I probably should have learned before. I have to pay attention to "first things first". I'm talking about studying the history of stand up comedy. I'm talking about knowing how we got to where we are; about those that have gone before us and laid the groundwork -- or did groundbreaking things -- that shaped the art form so many of us are striving within and to whom we all owe some debt. It occurred to me that in order to get "somewhere fro nowhere" it might help to know how others did it. Plus, I'm learning from truly great comics and not from just one former comic trying to teach from some failed perspective.

So, I have about a dozen books I'm working through these days and I have to say I am fascinated. Lucky for me that I have a passion for it because I was going to do it anyway. As soon as I finish one book that I can't hardly put down, I pick up the next one and can't put it down either. From learning about theories that the art form emerged from court jesters and minstrels, through vaudeville and the borsht belt comics of the catskills, through the television era, the challenge of the 60's anti-establishment comics, the 70's revolution and revolt, the 80's explosion, the 90's crash, into today.

So, I'm sort of reading the product manual on stand up comedy. And I've somehow learned how to set things to vibrate. Soon, I'm going to consolidate some of this history in another blog entry. As with other blog entries I've made, if few people actually read it, it still gives me a place to put things together in some kind of linear fashion. God help me.

Cheeseburger Update

This blog was originally started to chronicle my travels through stand up. I started it when the Cheeseburgers of Comedy Tour was forming. But when that didn’t come together like we planned, I stopped making entries here. My progress is pretty much recorded on my Facebook Twitter pages, but I find myself drawn back to this blog so I can make some comments that are longer than 140 characters.

I got an email the other day from someone who wanted to know whatever happened to that tour, so I decided to make a quick entry here to update that.

We only ended up booking three weeks for the tour. One of the weeks got cancelled because of logistic problems. Though three of had regular communication, we couldn’t all seem to get on the same page. We knew we wouldn’t make much money and would have trouble being booked because we weren’t well known, but I think things began to fall apart when we realized how much of a financial commitment it would actually take to get out there.

Three of us (me, Myke and Chet) did do two weeks – one in the Phoenix area where we performed for six straight nights. The other week, we went to The Comedy Club in Rochester for three nights which Chet booked for us. Both weeks were successful and exactly what we wanted to do for a six to eight week period for the tour. So, from all the effort we put out, we essentially accomplished about 25% of what we set out to do. We agreed that we might pick it up again later.

Chet, Myke and I still talk regularly. Myke and I perform together all the time. We will most likely do something with Chet again sometime I’m sure. Hallie is doing very well for himself and even put out a CD.

Though the experiment of three or four unknown comics crisscrossing the nation didn’t come to pass, three guys did go from one end to the other, so it wasn’t a complete failure.

Thanks for reading. More on me soon.

What’s in a Name?

The official launch of the Cheeseburgers of Comedy Tour has begun. We put a video promo together and now have a website. The first leg of the tour won’t officially start until June in Phoenix, but all four of us will be getting together for a trial run at the end of this month. We start in LA for a show at the Ice House with fellow Bootcampers Jimmy Shaw and Roy Brewster, then we head up to Oregon and Washington. After that, we return to LA to do a show at the Comedy Store. For the two LA shows, will be just be doing short sets and the shows do not feature the Cheeseburgers of Comedy.

So far, the name of tour has begun to do its job. People remember it. With few exceptions, it has been received in the spirit it is intended. It’s not a big thinker. We’re touring the country, telling jokes and eating cheeseburgers. In fact, we will be looking for the best cheeseburgers in town and putting up YouTube videos of our experiences visiting them. So the name not only references our shared food choice, but also a secondary activity – a quest for the perfect cheeseburger!

The name also lends itself to an easy and relatable design for t-shirts and other merchandise. Eventually, we also hope to put a DVD together of our stand up exploits and our cheeseburger critiques. The money we make along the way from the bookings alone will most probably not be enough to sustain us. Selling a few t-shirts and other items along the way will help us keep gas in our tank and food and lodging on our days off.

Also, if you hear we’re coming to town and you know of any great places to get a really good cheeseburger, let us know. Hell, let us know even if we're not coming to town, it might be on the way and I'm sure we'll be hungry.

Schedule for March/April

3/28 Ice House Comedy Club (Annex Room), Pasadena, CA

3/31 Wildcard Bar, Wenatchee, WA

4/01 Wildhorse Resort, Pendleton, OR

4/02 Quality Inn, Ellensburg, WA

4/05 The Comedy Store (Belly Room), Los Angeles, CA

Cheeseburger of Comedy Website

Cheeseburgers of Comedy Promo Video

Stand up -- On making it the performance of your life

A smile once again comes over your face. You're still waiting for the day where this gets old for you, but it hasn't happened yet. You're still as fresh as when you first started this glorious work. As you lean into the mic and say the first words that start the ball rolling, you imagine the thrill of those people on the receiving end of your latest hilarious musing. You pause before you speak, knowing the joy your slanted view of reality will stir within their souls.

"Can I take your order please?"

You know you delivered! You know you nailed it! Sometimes the temptation to talk during the silence is strong, but you know the seasoned vet will wait. You gotta say it like you mean it or they don't believe in you, they won't have confidence in you and you might as well pack it in. You've lost the battle. You wait for the reaction with professional confidence -- and then it comes.

"Yeah. I'll have a number 3 combo with a coke."

Yes! There it is! You've hooked 'em now. Now they are yours! This is going to be one of those performances that they'll remember their whole lives. You know they'll be telling their friends to come see you as they try to imitate you around the water cooler the next day in an attempt to vicariously be like you. Now that you have then right where you want them, you deliver the next punch.

"Would that be medium or large?"

You know you're just baiting them now. This is one of those sure lines that get them every time. Never fails. You know what's coming next.

"Large"

Now you bring them home. They're actually depending on you now. You've brought them to the desert, and they need you to take them to the promised land. They have come to you, laying down their hard earned money, wanting you to take them away from their troubles, their daily, dreary lives for a moment. You don't disappoint them. You now show them why they have come to trust you time after time to be their savior.

"We'll have your total at the window. Please pull around."

It's time for the afterglow. They want to meet you now. See you up close. They may not ask for your autograph or to have a picture taken with you because they are sometimes in awe of you or they're too shy. But you know they want to be near you. You are gracious and charming. You try to make them feel comfortable and give them a moment they will tell their grandchildren about. You make yourself available to pose for pictures if they ask. You know they will one day realize they saw the performance of your life. Little do they know that you have put it upon yourself to never give them anything less.

On Moving Forward

Some people describe life as a river; that you go with the flow, the river takes you downstream, sometimes there are rough waters and other times it’s a gentle current. Blah, blah, blah. My experience is if life is a river, then you’re swimming upstream. In order to make any progress, you have to swim hard and fast. Take a rest, and you move backward. Eventually, it is inevitable that you’re going to drown. But that’s just the nature of the beast.

At this point, some may simply say I’m swimming the wrong way; that if I just relax and let the river take me downstream, there’s something lovely waiting for me that I was destined for. We can take nature as a cue on this and see that everything has a way of balancing itself out. The ultimate design is actually perfect and we each have a place. And some of us get eaten for dinner.

I don’t think those who know me would think of me as a negative person. To the contrary, I’m pretty sure most would say I’m positive. So, this viewpoint of a difficult struggle in life and the extraordinary effort it takes to succeed may not seem consistent with positivity. But the viewpoint is based in my experience. Nothing has ever been easy for me. The orientation of having muscular dystrophy all my life probably has something to do with that viewpoint. (I will be writing about this much more in the future). Nevertheless, it’s my experience. Life isn’t easy. You have to make an effort to get to where you want to go, otherwise you drift where life takes you. This comes down to the question we all must ask ourselves: “Is our life a matter of choice or is it predetermined?” In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I’ve decided I have a choice in life.

So, as I undertake this current project of advancing a stand up comedy career to the next level, what ever that may be, I understand that I can’t just stay in my house, watch reruns of Golden Girls, eat potato chips, and “let the river of life take me where it wants to”. I want things to move forward. I want to get somewhere. Somewhere closer to success than I am right now. In order to do that, I do what I heard a wise person once say, “I get up each day, report for life, then do the next indicated thing.”

Today’s activity started with this blog. But I also made a booking for the tour and exchanged emails and phone calls with other comics, friends of comedy, and others regarding these plans. I updated my Facebook and Twitter status and got back with people who acknowledged me as best as I could. Here’s what I noticed; things are starting to happen. Who knew?

I want to give a quick shout out to a new comic friend Dave Robinson who wrote about me in his blog. Active comics eventually run into each other in the river rapids of life and I knew of Dave from Twitter. Though we really didn’t talk much, we exchanged a few jokes across the ether. I regarded him as an experienced and funny guy. He seems to also be on a similar journey and I just wanted to thank him for giving me some attention and a lift. Anyone who has something called "Davewear" can't be all bad.

You move forward. That’s all. You take your best shot with the resources you have at hand. You may not even have the resources of the person next to you, but if you apply yourself with a little more passion, ingenuity, and excitement, you can make some progress.

I’m swimming as hard as I can.

Ultimately Stand Up Boils Down to a Mic and Mouth

My Brain

I’m trying to get organized and focused on what I need to do to get ready for the tour. Chet is really busy with his school and job(s) but we exchange notes every day. It is starting to dawn on me how really big this job of doing a successful comedy tour is going to be. It seems like I need to do so many things, it’s hard for me focus OR get organized. I know from experience that when you’re trying to achieve something big, it’s important to make a list then focus on one thing at a time. That way you don’t get overwhelmed. But I am so A.D.D., I sometimes can’t even focus long enough to make that list. I just keep jumping from one thing to the other.

I’m blaming my brain. I can't help but think that, even at my age, my brain should be working better than it is. As bad as it is, I'm amazed I could even think THAT! What was that person's name again? The one who's shorter than me and has the same last name as me and follows me around in the house? Why am I wearing this condom? Where did I leave that brand new can of Spaghettio's? Huh, brain? Where the hell you been? And why in the hell did I dream last night that I won a brand new Ford Focus? It’s my dream! Why didn't I dream I won a Dodge Viper or at least a one of those new Dodge Caravans?

My brain just won't listen to me! My other body parts listen to me. Kidneys keep filtering crap so I can pee, my lungs work whether or not I tell them too, my pancreas does whatever pancreases do. I don't get why my brain thinks it can do whatever it wants. I mean, it's definitely not a team player.

If I want to take my comedy to the next level, I need to get more results out of my brain. So, I had a talk with it. I sat it down and said, "Look, brain, you work for me. So, either you shape up and fly right or you're history! I mean it! The next time I dial a number on the phone and you forget who I was calling, you're fired! I'm getting a new brain. (and by the way, thanks, Brain, for the immediate reminder that I'm a stupid idiot by telling me no one "dials" phone numbers anymore!)".

I'm starting to think its all my fault. I let my brain hang out with the wrong crowd. When I was young, I let it spend too much time watching television. It used to get me in trouble in my class when it was daydreaming. When it was time to take the quizzes, I would ask it for the answers and it would just sit there in silence forcing me to cover for it by making up stuff. I muddled my way through the multiple choice and it was easy to bullshit my way through the essay questions, but when it came down to the fill-in-the-blank questions, my brain was the one that was blank! The asshole!

Then, when I was a teenager, I started smoking pot. That’s when my brain really got off the leash. It started thinking "outside the box". It started asking questions like, "Why do we have to live by society's rules ... man?", and "If a tree falls in the forest, does Schrodinger's cat secretly love its mother?" Huh? Have another puff of ganja you dirty hippie! You can't even think your way out of the paper bag you're using to quiet the anxiety attack you're making me have because you're so fricking high!

Now I'm finally at an age where I'm supposed to be enjoying my life and I can't remember why I came. My brain just keeps telling me to turn on the weather channel or check my Facebook page. Did somewhat just mention me on Twitter? I think i heard my Tweetdeck chirp. Chocolate chip cookies and milk sound good to me right now.

... I'm sorry what was I talking about?

Oh yeah, the comedy tour. We seem to have gotten a good reaction to the "Cheeseburgers of Comedy" idea. So, at least we have gotten this far. I think I need to be the one to decide what's next. My brain sure isn't going to do it.

Stu Baker's Brain

Edginess and Taking Risks

The last time I had a month break from school, I felt the freedom of not having so much schoolwork hanging over my head and I felt like I accomplished a lot with my comedy. This time Christmas is on its way and after this first week, I can already tell it’s going to be more difficult to keep focused on stand up. I have a list of things I’m going to focus on and I’ll get something done I’m sure, but I can already feel the next class coming up on the horizon. It will be my last class though, so the temporary feeling of freedom I have now will soon become more permanent.

I have a show this Saturday at a VFW in Coolidge. While this may not seem like the ideal environment for stand up, the guy who puts the show together has been successful at creating decent comedy events where the people come out to see a good comedy show. A couple comic friends of mine said they had a good time at the show when they did it because the crowd really seemed into it. So, I’m looking forward to it. I also get to headline, so I’m looking over my material to see if I am going to rearrange things a bit or stick with the one-hour format I’ve been working from for the past year. I do have some new material, but a lot of the new stuff I’ve been working on might be too edgy for this crowd. I can’t be too sure until I get there and survey the audience. Still my instincts tell me if I want to connect with them, I should steer clear of some of the stuff I’ve develop over the last year.

Part of the reason my most recent material is so edgy is because I’ve been writing and working things out in the context of the room I often work in, the Hidden House in Phoenix. Hidden House is a weekly show where most of the best comics in the area come out regularly. It’s a small room that has a capacity of only 50 or so people. The room is almost always packed (often over capacity) with a crowd of people who are there to see a good night of stand up. There is a fair amount of turnover in the audience but if you perform regularly, or even semi-regularly as I do, you need to come up with some new stuff to keep performing there or the crowd will tire of you somewhat. There is a small group of comics who produce the show and go up every week. Beyond that, there is a secondary lineup of the semi-regulars who fill out the experienced portion of the line up. But they also let newcomers and less experienced comics go up which gives a good perspective on how hard comedy really is and how good the good comics are. Sometimes, these newcomers surprise everyone and have a good set. This is more often the case than I like to admit because it sometimes makes me wonder how far I’ve really come when a comic can get up who has only done maybe 10 or 12 shows and do as well as, or better than, me. This is when I remind myself that comparisons with others are not really the best way to improve in comedy. When I compare myself with how I was when I first started, I know I am a lot better. That’s all that should really matter.

The edginess that seems to work at Hidden House is sometimes based in explicit language or topics. You can imagine that references to body parts and sexual acts get an easy laugh. Edgy material is not necessarily blue. However, it does tend to be surprising and it tests boundaries. Blue material often does this but these days, it is so common that unless you have an original approach to it, you’re not treading any new ground and you can come across looking like a hack.

Edginess is more than that. It’s more of an attitudinal thing. The best comics I observe there have a kind of detachment from the actual effect they expect from the room. That is not to say they don’t care about the room or if anyone laughs. To the contrary, they all know if they don’t get laughs there are essentially bombing. But many of the comics working material out know that you have to take chances to get better. You have to try new jokes or new ways to do old ones. You pick topics no one is talking about or you talk about old topics in new ways. To do that on a regular basis, the best comics seem one step removed from the whether a particular joke works in a particular moment. So this overall attitude of “OK. You didn’t like that, here’s something else”, prevails. They don’t crumble or get flustered. Perhaps another way of stating it is that these comics have confidence or that they come from experience. But these terms don’t quite describe this process of experimenting with the right orientation, this air of detachment to results.

One thing I’ve learned about comedy that has applications to life in general is that to improve at something, you have to be willing to take chances. This carries with it the fact that from time-to-time you will fail, otherwise, it wouldn’t really be considered a risk. This sets up an interesting combination of competing goals when doing comedy on any given night. While we all want to do well – to “slay” and “destroy” in the dramatic and violent vernacular of the comic (which I will discuss later) – we must also experiment and take chances. Since taking chances means we will sometimes fail, we weigh each night and measure our prepared material against the situation (the audience, venue, management. etc.) and make decisions about whether we are going to construct a set of so-called “A” material to create the best result we can, or are we going to mix in new stuff and see how it goes. Or, perhaps we even improv moments to see where they will go and see if we can create a one-of-a-kind memorable moment. Each comic comes to a decision on these variables each night whether they aware they of it or not.

For me, I need to feel I am growing in some way. I take each opportunity to perform seriously. I feel like I need to either perform my usual material better in some way, or find a new joke within the structure of a bit, or run some new material. One night I did a 10-minute set in front of an audience that had never seen me before. I chose a set of jokes I was completely comfortable with and was very familiar with. For me, it was a “safe” set. I got a good reaction but I wasn’t very happy when I got off stage. I felt like I phoned it in and was not really in the moment. I was performing for the crowd, but not interacting with them much. I was telling jokes and getting laughs but I was not really taking any risks. The set lacked the kind of spark I look forward to as an indication I am growing in some way. I decided that night that playing it safe was not the reason I got into stand up. You don't get up in front of group of people to try to make them laugh if you like to play it safe.

So, taking risks in style, performance or material is key to growth and perhaps why stand up can be so satisfying. It has been said that stand up comedy is the last soapbox. It is the last place one can get up in front of a group of people and say anything you want about any subject. Not only do you not have to be politically correct, you don’t even have to be correct. As long as you are getting laughs, you can keep talking. The very best comics in stand up history not only tested boundaries but also made us think. I believe the only way a comic gets to that point is to take risks.

A Passionate Set at Hidden House