"Life is a miracle. Death is inevitable. Everything else is hilarious." -- Stu Baker

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Stand up -- On making it the performance of your life

A smile once again comes over your face. You're still waiting for the day where this gets old for you, but it hasn't happened yet. You're still as fresh as when you first started this glorious work. As you lean into the mic and say the first words that start the ball rolling, you imagine the thrill of those people on the receiving end of your latest hilarious musing. You pause before you speak, knowing the joy your slanted view of reality will stir within their souls.

"Can I take your order please?"

You know you delivered! You know you nailed it! Sometimes the temptation to talk during the silence is strong, but you know the seasoned vet will wait. You gotta say it like you mean it or they don't believe in you, they won't have confidence in you and you might as well pack it in. You've lost the battle. You wait for the reaction with professional confidence -- and then it comes.

"Yeah. I'll have a number 3 combo with a coke."

Yes! There it is! You've hooked 'em now. Now they are yours! This is going to be one of those performances that they'll remember their whole lives. You know they'll be telling their friends to come see you as they try to imitate you around the water cooler the next day in an attempt to vicariously be like you. Now that you have then right where you want them, you deliver the next punch.

"Would that be medium or large?"

You know you're just baiting them now. This is one of those sure lines that get them every time. Never fails. You know what's coming next.


Now you bring them home. They're actually depending on you now. You've brought them to the desert, and they need you to take them to the promised land. They have come to you, laying down their hard earned money, wanting you to take them away from their troubles, their daily, dreary lives for a moment. You don't disappoint them. You now show them why they have come to trust you time after time to be their savior.

"We'll have your total at the window. Please pull around."

It's time for the afterglow. They want to meet you now. See you up close. They may not ask for your autograph or to have a picture taken with you because they are sometimes in awe of you or they're too shy. But you know they want to be near you. You are gracious and charming. You try to make them feel comfortable and give them a moment they will tell their grandchildren about. You make yourself available to pose for pictures if they ask. You know they will one day realize they saw the performance of your life. Little do they know that you have put it upon yourself to never give them anything less.


  1. Stu, I don't get that emotional, but buddy this is dead on!!! I got the goose bumps reading it, this is why we do it...very nicely written!!!

    Will C.