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Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Disney Reveals Master Plan for Ticket Pricing for Parks - Raises Prices to $50,000 Per-Day for Disneyland

ANAHEIM, CA: On the heels of two hikes in the ticket prices this year alone, Disney has just announced that they are now pulling out all stops and going ahead with their eventual plan for the parks -- they are now raising prices to $50,000 for a One-Day ticket to Disneyland.
Disneyland to Be Less Crowded with New Pricing Structure
"The good news about this pricing structure is that we expect only about 100 people a day, so there should be no wait for the lines on most rides", a spokesman for Disney says, "Our costs for employee staff should be quite a bit lower as well, so it's really a win-win."

Tomorrowland in Disneyland, Anaheim, CA
A "One-Day Park Hopper" ticket (i.e. additional access to Disney's California Adventure) will reportedly be only $75,000.  The cost of Annual Passes will start at at $400,000 which will include "blockout days".  This ticket will now be called the "Paris", playfully named after the famous and entitled celebrity Paris Hilton.  A Full Access Pass year round with no blackout days will now be $999,999 and will be called "The Marie". It was not immediately clear if this level was named after the cat in the Aristocats or after Marie Antoinette.

Frontierland in Disneyland, Anaheim, CA
When asked to comment on criticism that Disney is now pricing tickets out of reach of the average american family, the spokesman said, "Well, it's all about value. A middle class family just needs to decide whether they want to go to Disneyland once a year or spend their money on clothes and food."
Shorter Line Waits at Disneyland
The pricing structure for food and souvenirs has not yet been released, but the spokesman said, "We expect a cheeseburger should be under $1000 and as far as souvenirs go, we're toying with the idea that guests can actually buy a real Disney character to take home with them!"

Service Should be Quicker Too